Category: Silly

The thermostat clicked and turned on:

the chill in the hallway was gone.

Though the bills made me groan,

I can’t chill to the bone!

So comfort will have to live on.

I bled all the radiators clean,

(An annual ritual scene).

A geyser of brown,

Spurted up and around:

Now my carpet’s not quite as pristine.

A Catherine Wheel spun with such flair,

It hissed as it whirled through the air.

It fizzled and popped,

Then suddenly stopped:

And smoked like it just didn’t care.

A commuter was heard to opine,

“It’s leaves on the line: every time!

We’re late once again,

In the drizzle and rain,

In Britain, trains are late by design!”

Trick or treat, I heard through the door,

Tiny monsters cried, “Sweets! We want more!”

With a laugh and a shout,

I gave the sweets out out,

And they vanished like ghosts from my floor.

I sat down to play my harpsichord,

But the tuning I gravely deplored,

When halfway through Purcell,

I ended my rehearsal:

Ill-tempered and wholly abhorred

This is the News, from the BBC,

Delivered in flawless RP,

With headlines concise,

And diction precise,

It’s as English as English can be.

There was an old vampire from Kent,

Whose dentures caused endless torment.

But once at midnight,

He lost his bite,

and now drinks through a straw in lament!

A mug of tea is all I ask,

To soften the day’s weary task.

As rain taps the pane,

In soft, steady strain,

I sit in the warmth of my flask.