Category: Silly

This is the News, from the BBC,

Delivered in flawless RP,

With headlines concise,

And diction precise,

It’s as English as English can be.

There was an old vampire from Kent,

Whose dentures caused endless torment.

But once at midnight,

He lost his bite,

and now drinks through a straw in lament!

A mug of tea is all I ask,

To soften the day’s weary task.

As rain taps the pane,

In soft, steady strain,

I sit in the warmth of my flask.

I’ve failed at putting on the sheet,

It’s a monster I just can’t defeat.

The corners conspire,

To creep ever higher,

And wrap up around my feet!

I’m waiting at the door for post,

(Perhaps more eager than most)

But the postman walked by,

And I let out a sigh —

Never expect a postcard from Ghost.

My wife she likes to crochet,

Her hook is busy all night and all day-

With yarn in a heap

Whilst I try to sleep,

And blankets keep growing each day!

There was a young woman called Lucy,

who liked her Apples quite Juicy.

She had a big fright,

as she took a big bite,

As the worm inside said “EXCUSE ME!”

There was a woman called Annaliese,

who had the proclivity to sneeze.

She said ‘its no issue’,

and inhaled a tissue,

and now she breathes with ease.

This is the train manager speaking,

Please alight here for Reading,

I regret to inform you,

That we haven’t a loo,

We apologise; engineers are attending.